Juicy Yoga Break

Morning:

• Lemon tea
• Yoga + exercises (40 mins max)
• Juice

Afternoon:

• Tea

Evening:

• Thinspo
• Beauty treatment
• (to keep strong against the cravings!)
• Tea

Is this good news or bad news?

Today was weigh in and… I weighed in.

First of all, let me laugh at myself for ever thinking I would weigh less than 160…

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Okay, now that I’m done with laughing at myself, I’m sure you’d all like to know what number the scale slapped in my face…

167!!!

 

I used a bigger font to emphasize the immensity of this number, although I think the number speaks for itself (of course it does, a number that big not only has a voice, it has fucking fingers it can point to better laugh at me!)

 

Bye now, I’m going to dig a hole where I can lay in for eternity…

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Oh yeah, there was a bright side to this news… (ever the optimist).

The GOOD news is that I weigh 167 – confusing, non?

Let me explain.

I was Ana and I was Mia – it was NOT fun. I’m not Ana anymore (duh, fatness…) or Mia, both of which I’m happy about. Anyone who’s been either knows it’s not a GOOD thing. You’re constantly depressed, the only thing that makes you smile is knowing you’re getting skinnier. You have no energy, no will to live, no interest in doing anything but losing weight.

I DON’T EVER WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT!

Though my weightloss methods aren’t orthodox, I am NOT BFF with ED anymore, nor do I plan to be.

Being 167 is good because I thought I weighed less, I didn’t feel fat obese. I know that a year ago, I felt obese at 125.

It’s good news, because this emphasizes that I was thin at 117. It’s good news because it means I can be healthy AND “skinny”. I won’t adjust my goal once I get to 117. I will no longer think that I need to be under 100 to be happy.

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I changed up my blog a bit. Now you can see the people I follow and my weekly goals (+current weight). Also I’ve added a bar with my current diet/workout plan.

In september I took a pic of myself, so that I could see my progress. I’m going to take another picture today. I’ll post it today or tomorrow, so you guys can see my progress too. I actually really wanted to NOT take a picture, but if I don’t, I know I won’t be motivated enough, if you guys can see how I’m doing, I won’t want to let you down, so I’ll be more successful…

Oh and another up-side to being so fat – I won’t buy new clothes!!! I’m broke anyway, so I guess that’s good :P (fat humour – laugh!)

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Point is, I’m not giving up! I will make it to my goal and I won’t use any extreme methods (well, extreme for my standards).

I’ll post my diet in a few minutes.

 

Thanks for following me, guys (8 followers makes me happy :D), you’re my rock.

 

Love you all, dolls!

xxx

Rozy

Silencing the voices

It’s finally starting to work. I think I killed the voices in my head.

Until now, I’ve messed up a whole year in which I should have been losing weight. But for the first time in a VERY long time, I’ve stuck to a diet for 4 days.

Sunday I fasted, I wasn’t hungry or tempted. Monday, I drank juice and had some veggies and even though it wasn’t part of the original plan, I didn’t freak out. I just ignored it.

I’ve noticed that is the best thing to do. If you “acknowledge” you’ve failed, you’re so likely to blow it because “you messed up anyway.”

Yesterday, I fasted again. No problem, just drank my teas and read books. I was offered cake and I declined.

Today, I drank my juice and it’s already mid-day, I’m feeling great and I’ll be busy all day.

I’ve started exercising too ^^

I think I’m really getting somewhere – I’m feeling confident.

Friday’s the big weigh in. Then I’ll know what I’m up against.

No matter what the scale says – I’m getting back to 53!

This winter, I will be her.

Fuck.

It’s Sunday and in about 5 days I’m going to weigh myself for the first time in, possibly, a year.

I set so many goals since last year and failed miserably, this time it’s NOT happening!!

They say you got to take the good with the bad, well…

Good:

1. I just finished a 1-day fast
2. I cleaned up the house
3. I made a work-out plan
4. I thought up a diet

Bad:

1. I just had to borrow clothes from my mother (love her to bits, but she’s not the skinniest).
2. Looked in the mirror and saw… myself – not looking too hot.
3. I’m fat
4. I’m fat
5. I’m fat (yes, that counts for three)
6. I’m probably not going to reach my goal (145) by Friday

I know this because my mom wore those clothes when she was about 165 and there’s no way I can lose 20lbs by Friday!

But I’m not changing my goal yet AGAIN! I’m sticking to 145 and I’ll just see how far I get.

 

Also, I’m going to start taking better care of myself, make-up, accessories, all that BS – because even though I look like shit, I could like pretty shit. And I noticed that when I look decent, I’m less likely to fail at my diet.

 

But, to end on a happy note – at least the 1-day fast worked out :D

 

Play for this week:

• Monday – juice
• Tuesday – fast
• Wednesday – juice
• Thursday – fast

So to more fasts to go. Now for some optimistic math!

On a fast, I lose about 3lbs and with juice, no more than 1, so the most I could lose in these for days is: 8lbs and assuming I’m 155 (which is really optimistic, but yeah…), I could be 147 by Friday, which isn’t too bad. It should be possible, because when your this fat, you should lose wait quickly.

Fingers crossed and lips sealed – that’s how I’m getting through this week.

xxxx

Rozy

When are you at your most binge-prone?

Yesterday, I beat my binge-prone moment without even meaning to.

I was kind of nervous because I was going on a date in the afternoon, so I didn’t eat in the morning (which is never a problem for me, because I never binge in the morning) – the whole day I was hiking around (no food in the outdoors!). And when I got back, I already started having those non-constructive thoughts: “You walked around all day, you can eat today – whatever you want! You’ll start tomorrow.” And I was just about to give in, but once I got back to my place, I remembered I only had fruit!

Every inch of my body was aching (somebody’s seriously out of shape…) and I thought about going out to get food, but then I felt the pain again and thought “Fuck that!”, I ate some fruit and fell asleep without binging!
So yay for that :)


TIP: So, if your most binge-prone moment is in the evening when you get home, like me, then only have safe foods in your house and exercise like mad before you get home so that you’re too tired to go get binge-food.

Much love,
Rozy

She obviously beat the binge...

Don’t think; just move

That’s what I’ve got to remember. Everyone has their own weakness. Everyone has their own way of failing. And mine is by thinking. I am, by nature, a thinker. I am, also, by nature, selfish. And unfortunately my selfishness is still at quite a primitive stage.

When I see food I’m not supposed to eat, I start thinking. Not of how I shouldn’t eat it, or how it’s bad for me, but of ways/excuses that I can eat it. I’m selfish in a way that I can satisfy my immediate desire, which of course does not serve me in the long run.

From tomorrow, no more thinking, no more excuses – JUST FUCKING SAY NO!

SALADS AND FRUIT. Stick with it.

Xxx

Rozy

Tough start but great motivation

It's nearing the end of my first day of fasting, still about 6 hours before I go to sleep, but yeah, ever the optimist, right?

There's cake downstairs and I WANT IT!!! SO BAD!!! I looked at it but quickly ran back upstairs - I'm not screwing up this time. I have photographic evidence of why I should stay the fuck away from baked treats and it's not pretty.

I'm going to start fasting every other day because the first day is always the easiest for me and then I don't feel completely deprived. Long fasts just always fail with me but I don't want to eat every day.

I took a pic of my (gross) body yesterday and I'm taking one again on the 8th of October, when I'm going to weigh myself again, and then I'll post them as my first before and after. I actually really don't know how much I weigh now, but it's better that way...

I'm going to watch some movies now, because I'm just plain braindead when I don't eat (I'd venture to say I'm always braindead, but I don't wanna be too harsh on myself, hahah, yeah right...)

Peace x
Rozy